🕊️ When Love Hurts: Emotional Abuse, Mental Health, and Faithful Grounds for Divorce
A Biblical and Mental Health Perspective from Restoration Counseling LLC
At Restoration Counseling LLC, I believe marriage is sacred. It is a holy covenant — not just between two people, but also with God. As a therapist who is grounded in faith, I want to be absolutely clear:
👉 I do not believe divorce is the answer to every marital problem.
👉 I see it as a last resort — never a first option.
I am committed to doing all that I can, clinically and spiritually, to support couples in preserving and strengthening their marriage. Healing is always the goal. Reconciliation is always the hope.
But not all marriages can or should be preserved — especially when one partner is consistently and unrepentantly abusive.
Many clients come to me emotionally exhausted, mentally confused, and spiritually conflicted. They’ve heard “God hates divorce,” but they wonder: What does God think about abuse?
Let’s look at what Scripture actually says:
🕊️ 1. God Hates Abuse as Much as He Hates Divorce
“The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.”
— Psalm 11:5
God is not indifferent to emotional violence. Even when there's no physical harm, emotional abuse is violence against the soul. Degrading, controlling, gaslighting, or manipulating a spouse is not just unhealthy — it is sin. These behaviors are the opposite of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23) and reflect a hardened, destructive heart.
📜 2. Marriage Is a Covenant — Not a Prison
“The Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless.”
— Malachi 2:14–16 (expanded)
Malachi is often misquoted to say, “God hates divorce.” But the context reveals God's real anger is toward those who deal treacherously (Hebrew: bagad) in marriage — betraying and violating the trust of their spouse. A person who repeatedly emotionally abuses their partner has already broken the covenant. God hates betrayal and oppression within the marriage just as much as He grieves the divorce that may follow.
🛡️ 3. God Permits Separation for Safety
“If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”
— 1 Corinthians 7:15
Though this passage refers to marriages between believers and unbelievers, the underlying principle is universal: God does not call His children to remain in bondage. Chronic, unrepentant emotional abuse creates an environment where peace is impossible. Many theologians agree that such abuse is a form of abandonment — not of the body, but of the heart, spirit, and vows.
⚖️ 4. Jesus Condemns Hard-Heartedness
“Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.”
— Matthew 19:8
Jesus pointed to hard-heartedness — cruelty, sin, resistance to change — as the reason divorce became necessary in certain cases. Emotional abuse is a clear symptom of a hardened heart. It indicates a refusal to love, repent, or change. In such situations, divorce may not be God’s ideal, but it may be the most faithful option left.
❤️ 5. God Does Not Call You to Endure Ongoing Harm
“Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”
— Psalm 82:4
“Love does no harm to a neighbor.”
— Romans 13:10
You are not called to suffer in silence. You are not expected to stay in a situation that slowly destroys your mental, emotional, or spiritual health. Abuse is not love. God’s heart is always for the protection of the vulnerable — not the preservation of a false peace at their expense.
🔍 Summary
While the Bible upholds the sacredness of marriage, it also affirms:
Justice
Protection of the oppressed
The importance of peace
The value of individual worth and safety
At Restoration Counseling LLC, we believe in doing everything possible to support and restore marriages. But when one partner refuses to stop causing harm — and refuses help — the covenant has already been broken. Divorce, in such cases, is not a rebellion against God but a step toward healing and truth.
If you are struggling in a relationship marked by emotional abuse, know this:
🕊️ You are not alone.
🕊️ God sees you.
🕊️ Your pain matters.
🕊️ And help is available.
Let’s walk through it together — with faith, with wisdom, and with hope.
