Understanding Gottman’s Five Types of Couples: What Type Are You?

At Restoration Counseling LLC, I believe that understanding your relationship dynamics is a powerful step toward building a stronger, more connected partnership. Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in relationship psychology, identified five distinct types of couples based on how they handle conflict. Gaining insight into these patterns can help you and your partner grow in empathy, communication, and resilience.

1. Conflict-Avoiding Couples

These couples emphasize harmony and shared values. They tend to steer clear of confrontation, choosing instead to focus on what unites them. While they may appear peaceful, unresolved issues can linger under the surface.

2. Volatile Couples

Intensely emotional and passionate, these couples engage in frequent debates—but with mutual respect. Their fiery exchanges often stem from deep care and connection, though balance is key to avoiding burnout.

3. Validating Couples

Calm, supportive, and empathetic, validating couples navigate conflict with cooperation and kindness. They listen well, express appreciation, and work together to find common ground. This style is often considered the most stable.

4. Hostile Couples

Defensiveness and criticism dominate this dynamic. Each partner clings to their viewpoint, making resolution difficult. Over time, this pattern can erode trust and connection if not addressed.

5. Hostile-Detached Couples

Marked by emotional withdrawal and indifference, these couples are often stuck in unresolved conflict and disconnection. Communication is minimal, and the lack of emotional engagement can lead to long-term dissatisfaction.

No matter which couple type you identify with, help is available. Understanding your patterns is only the beginning. With the right support, your relationship can thrive.

📩 Ready to strengthen your marriage?
Schedule a marriage counseling session today at Restoration Counseling LLC by emailing jessica@restorationcounselingdsm.com.

Let’s work together to build a more connected, fulfilling partnership.