When “God Told Me” Becomes Spiritually Abusive

This phrase can be used — intentionally or not — to manipulate, control, or silence others. In the context of spiritual abuse, “God told me” becomes more than a personal conviction. It becomes a trump card. Here’s why that’s dangerous:

1. It’s a conversation-stopper
   Once someone claims divine authority for their decision, disagreement feels like defying God Himself. This places the listener in a double bind — either agree or risk being labeled rebellious, unfaithful, or “opposing God.”

2. It shifts power in relationships
   In marriages, friendships, or church leadership, saying “God told me” can tilt the balance of power. The speaker positions themselves as God’s mouthpiece, making it nearly impossible for the other person to voice concerns without feeling spiritually inferior or unsafe.

3. It bypasses accountability
   Healthy spiritual decision-making involves testing, discerning, and confirming — both individually and in community. Declaring “God told me” skips that process and can shield the decision from scrutiny.

4. It creates fear-based compliance
   In spiritually abusive environments, people comply not because they agree, but because they fear that resistance equals disobedience to God. Over time, this erodes self-trust, autonomy, and even one’s personal connection with God.

The Character Test: Does This Sound Like God?

If someone claims “God told me” but the “instruction” they received would:

• Override another person’s God-given free will,

• Place them (or someone else) in an unsafe situation,

• Require them to do something unethical, dishonest, or illegal…

…it’s worth asking: Does this truly reflect the character of God?

God is not a manipulator. He is not reckless with people’s safety. He is not a lawbreaker. Scripture consistently shows Him as a God of truth, justice, love, and freedom.

When someone uses “God told me” to justify controlling another person’s choices, they are stepping into dangerous territory — both spiritually and relationally. It’s not just presumptuous; it can be a form of spiritual abuse.

From a mental health standpoint, when a person’s “word from God” asks you to surrender your boundaries, silence your conscience, or accept harm, that’s not a divine command — that’s coercion dressed in religious language.

The Emotional and Relational Fallout

From a counseling perspective, the misuse of “God told me” can lead to:

• Emotional distress and self-doubt — Victims often wonder, “Am I resisting God or just this person?” This confusion can cause chronic anxiety and spiritual insecurity.

• Isolation — People may withdraw from friends, family, or church to avoid conflict, especially if they’ve been accused of “not being spiritual enough” when questioning someone’s claim.

• Broken trust — In relationships, especially marriage, repeatedly pulling the “God told me” card can create deep fractures. One partner may feel unheard, dismissed, or spiritually manipulated.

• Loss of community — In church contexts, this phrase can spark divisions, with members choosing sides between the “God told me” speaker and those who dissent.

Recognizing Red Flags

While God does speak, He never contradicts His Word and He values humility, unity, and love. Watch for warning signs when:

• The phrase is used to end discussion rather than invite it.

• The “message from God” consistently benefits the speaker at the expense of others.

• Disagreement is met with shame, accusation, or threats of spiritual consequences.

• There’s no openness to Scripture-based dialogue or seeking outside counsel.

A Healthier, Humble Alternative

Instead of saying “God told me,” we can communicate God’s leading in ways that foster connection rather than control:

• “I believe God may be leading me in this direction, but I want to seek confirmation.”

• “I’ve been praying and reading Scripture, and here’s what I sense — can I get your thoughts?”

• “I feel this is where God is nudging me, but I’m open to feedback and prayer together.”

These phrases show humility, keep the conversation open, and allow room for the Holy Spirit to work through others in the Body of Christ.

Why This Matters for Mental and Spiritual Health

In counseling, I’ve walked with people recovering from the trauma of spiritual manipulation. For them, “God told me” doesn’t feel like hope — it feels like control, fear, and a loss of voice. Healing often involves untangling God’s true character from the distorted version they’ve experienced through others.

We are called to speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), not to wield God’s name as a hammer. If He has truly spoken, His guidance will stand up to testing, to Scripture, and to the wisdom of godly counsel.

If we believe God is leading us, we can trust that His direction will not be threatened by humility, accountability, and loving dialogue. In fact, those are often the very signs that it is from Him.

📌 Checklist: Before You Accept or Act on “God Told Me”

Ask yourself:

1. Does it align with Scripture?
   God will never contradict His Word.

2. Does it respect free will?
   God does not force or manipulate; He invites.

3. Does it promote safety?
   God is not reckless with your physical, emotional, or spiritual well-being.

4. Does it require unethical or illegal actions?
   God’s leading will never push you toward sin or dishonesty.

5. Is it confirmed by wise, godly counsel?
   True guidance holds up under accountability.

6. Does it foster humility and unity?
   God’s Spirit produces peace and harmony, not arrogance or division.

If the answer to any of these is no — pause, pray, and seek further confirmation.